Sunday, April 10, 2005
mon..
okok..as usual...but den,tings get tense wen i got back my amaths test results..haiz~guez wat?..haiz~i tink no need to guezlar..me fail..AGAIN..haiz~i was really freakin sad..i noe ppl will sae..'it's ok..try again..' or ' don worilar..not only u hu fail de test..'..i understand..dey juz wan me to feel better..i tried to control myself..but den,i cudnt durin recesss...wen strait to toilet n cry..haiz~i cry bcoz im gettin sick n tired oreadi abt amaths..since tiz yr,i keep failin all amaths test..all tiz while,i juz consoled myself..saein dat i can do better nxt time..but now,im worried..i feel dat i've lost all my hope to get distinctions for amaths..after skool,wen to amaths remedial eventhough i feel not goin..i feel dat im juz so stupid..dat's y i fail..wen amaths,mr goh gav us ex to do..mr goh kept comin to me n try to help me..he sae dat all his teachin life,all his students pass..moz of em pass wif flyin colours..after dat,i felt ok..i noe im slow..but den,i wanna make sure dat i get all my ans were correct..moz of de students were really fast lyk sya..i sae to myself dat im not em..n i shud try really hard so dat i can be better den em...at home..jk kept sms me.haiz~he's quite swit..he consoled me..saein dat i shud try harder..somtyms..i juz feel kesian to him..
tues..
had np..sec 2 n 3 had deir test..me had to take sec 3 wif masimas,sya n faris..dey r gd..hehe..but den,de sec 2..haiz~juz don noe wat to saelar..deir drills r bcomin worse..after dismissal,ira came to me to tell tiz ' news'..she wans to change post wif me..suddenly i realised dat i was cryin lyk a fool..ira was lyk 'y u don wan to let em go?'..actually,im willin to let em go..serioz..u wan to noe y i cried??..bcoz u had juz prove somtin to me..u proved dat im a very bad leader..u c..i cant even disciplin a small grup..haiz~ya..it's true im soft-hearted..i don lyk to shout at ppl..bcoz dat's not me..ya,it's true dat i luv em..i really luv em..i go np bcoz of em..bcoz i juz don lyk comin to np..bcoz in np..everytin is unfair..de ones hu being recognise r those commited ppl..wat do we get??..everytin..dorg2..im sick of em oreadi..haiz~at home,i really hope for som1 hu willin to hear my sorrows..i wan to let it out..i tot i wan to talk to de listener..but den,suddenly i realised dat i don hav a listener anymore..he's not der..he's gone..so,i let everytin out by cryin..haiz~
wed..
urgh~my contact lens was stuck in my rite eye..urgh~haiz~sya n ira were great..ira was lyk lookin at my rite eye carefully..thx gals...sya kept tellin me to rub my eye carefully coz manerlar tau..de contact is in my eyeball..haiz~bcoz of de rubin,i was really pain n red..haiz~sakit sey..haiz~hav phobia oreadi..don wan to wear contacts anymore..in chem class,i cudnt bear de pain n rest for a while..hehe..mrs koh was lyk ' adawiyah faint??'..i noe maeb she juz being sarcastic..niwae con'd to take a rest after sya told her..so,bcoz of dat,i didnt went to hist remedial..went strait home n took a nap..to ensure dat my eyes r ok...
thurs..
haiz~was sick..durin mly class..took pics..n try to deco de class..jk gav me tiz cute cat doll..thx...iyliee kept playin wif it..hehe...didnt go to npgoh trainin..went strait home n took a rest..at nite,chat wif iyliee..she sae dat dey had a big fite..haiz~i wish i was der..
fri..
i luv u ms pereira..i feel dat she lyk our mom..she really advise us..i feel so semangat..n sort off promise dat we will return all her hard work wif a big smile ..
i mean we will show her our bez results.. had a nyce talk wif mr foo after skool..he's great..i mean he understands us..advise me wat i shud do to make everytin better n remind me dat i cant make everyone hapi..he sae i shud be myself n not try to be lyk others..had combined goh trainin..urgh~it was freakin hot..feel dat i wanna giv up bcoz of my condition..haiz~den,da zun sir pick 10 ppl for de wet weather thingy..i was quite piss off wif it..it's lyk unfair sey..all of us train lyk mad..had to endure all de pains n harsh trainin...n wat do we get??..nth is it??..haiz~i oso quite fed up coz he pick de same old ppl..it's so unfair..it's lyk der r better ppl..i really wan mas,jia ying n ira to be in de 10 selected ppl..coz dey r better...but nvr mind..wat's pass is past..cancel tuition..feel dat i juz don wan to study..not dat im lazy but..i was feelin really tired n down..haiz~
sat..
call sya in de morn saein dat i cudnt go for np...didnt go to mendaki coz i was sick..went to see doc instead..haiz~i was under depression..feelin wanna ask de doc for antidepression pill..but of course,i juz keep quiet..i juz feel dat i wanna stay at home..so didnt go to family gatherin at nenek's hse..only my mom,dad n sis went..so,i juz stay in my bed... n surf de net to read some signs on depressions...haiz~it's true..a smile can hide a thousand tears ..haiz~..luckily my family didnt forget me..dey brought home som food for me to eat..at nite..had a really nyce talk wif my mom.i really luv her..she's so understandin..i told her everytin wat 's insyd my heart..abt np,skool,frenships, guys n everytin wat i really feel..i really luv her..she didnt scold me wen i admit dat wen i used to lyk tiz guy, i wanna b wif him..haiz~she's so understandin..she sae dat somtyms i had to expect nth in return,..ya,wat's she sae is true..so,now,im ok..hehe..thx mama..so at laz,it was so late dat i end up sleepin wif her..hehe...
sun..i mean 2dae...
feelin dat i juz don wan to go madr..haiz~nowadaes i juz feel dat i don wan to go out..wen my mom ask asl tk siap..i juz keep quiet..wen she ask again..'u don wan to go madr??'..i nod..den,she didnt ask anymore..actually..i juz wanna rest..don wanna tink abt anytin..i wanna peace..wanna relax my mind..so all dae.me juz watch tv..surf de net or juz take a rest..haiz~i juz feel dat i don wan to go to skool 2morrow..haiz~juz don noe y..it's not dat im lazy..but somtyms i juz feel dat i don wan to face de reality...haiz~
oklar..i noe it's very long..but dat's wat happen to me for tiz wk..
