helo~im back again..well..okoklar...hmm...do i ever tell u dat i really luv my mom?..hehe..
hmm..i juz don noe wat's rong wif me tiz wk..so weird...

on mon..
okoklar..nth much happen...

on tues
had art..hehe..mas was freakin sarcastic..she sae dat 1st time i didnt concentrate on my art..hehe..biaselar if u keep playin ur hp..after skool,we had ssgt test 4 de sgt n 1st class drill test 4 de ssgt..haiz~it was freakin sux..i mean de gals cried..i understand ..dey were freakin piss off wif raymond...i oso piss off..n feel dat i wan to cry but i had to push back my tears bcoz of my frens condition..haiz~kesian dorg...don wan to make de situation worse...however,we had to con'd de test..haiz~i really screwed up..my drills juz sux..i forgot de timin n stuff..haiz~esp de kekanan pusin..my stupid weakness..but den,i knew frm de start dat i wont get any of de badge...bcoz im not gd..

on wed
nth much happen..but de assembly was really freakin great..sal's grp put on a great drama..hmm..now i noe y dey cud score really high marks..hehe..n guez wat?..brian was freakin HOT!!! n aaron is so cute...hehe..really..tk bedek..hehe...well congrats for em..dey were really great n oso to mr 'table n chair' guy..wat a 'hardworkin' guy..hehe...

on thurs
me n sal went to look for iqah's bdae..went to bugis..bought for her a bag n watch..de bag was nyce..feel dat i wan to buy for myself..hehe...me n sal had fun..haiz~i found out a lot..n in my heart,i was freakin hurt..haiz~didnt show it to sal..don wan to spoilt de fun..hehe..

on fri
me didnt go to np..had appointment wif de doc..haiz~de doc gav me alot of medicine...really alot..wen i saw it,i feel dat i wanna giv up..don wan to eat it...but den,no choice ..it's for my own gd...while waitin for my turn for tuition..me n my mom talked alot..i juz don noe y...but nowadaes we had a lot of gal talk..i told her wat's in my mind nowadaes...i told her dat i really kesiankn all those elderly ppl hu r workin...lyk de cleaners in our skool or those hu collect empty can drinks to sell so dat dey cud hav somtin to eat..haiz~i really feel sad for em.. it's lyk..don deir children take care of em??i even made a promise dat i will work hard so dat my parents wont be lyk em..haiz~

on sat
went to mendaki..had test...okoklar..hope i can pass...after dat we went to watch np dae..hehe..de toy soldiers were really cute..dey sae dey were better den t-baton..hmm..well..it's true..but i really had a gd time laz yr..miz em..esp mat nor..my gd fren..hehe..he told me dat he wanted to come but he doesnt hav any invitation card..haiz~poor guy..hehe..actually it was fun..esp listenin to de bdk town guys...his cadet was advisin him on how to pikat or to get her attention..hehe..it was funi..esp wen de boy told his ssgt to ask for tissue or de time..hehe..well,after dat,we went home n watch tiz mly show...it was great..*phew*..at laz i tell jk de truth..i lied to him dat i hav a bf..but juz now,i told him de truth..tell him all de reasons y i lied..hope he understand...

on sun..2dae..
me didnt go to madr..had to study for 2 test 2morrow..really had no idea for de freakin art..we had to throw 1 stone at 2 birds..haiz~dat's wat mr tock sae....hav nho idea for de art exam..haiz~

helo..well..im here again..hmm..as usual recallin abt wat happened on tiz wk..hmm..im gettin ok now..hehe..dat's gd..im smilin again.. :)

mon 110405
didnt go to skool..stayed at home..still sick..wanna hav peace n rest..but den,cudnt achieved dat..coz wanna noe y??..haiz~my grandma kept naggin at me..haiz~...she kept talkin to me on how to find a gd husband..i mean ..im not ready to get marry..i still hav to work hard..haiz~she sae dat i had to do alot of stuff to get a handsome husband..n wanna de proof on wat she sae?..well,she sae she had done alot of stuff..i mean lyk pantang laranglar..dat's y she cud get a handsome husband..klar..i agree wif her..i hav to admit dat my grandpa used to be a handsome rich young man..but den,he's not now coz of de ww2..however,he still look smart now..hehe..so,at home,me did nth..except reflections..reflect myself..n tink on how to improve myself so dat i cud be a better person..haiz~hmm..actually,rite now,i didnt quite lyk jk..yes,i hav to admit he's nyce but den,he's oso dirty minded..seriozly,i don lyk dirty minded guys..it's juz dat i feel geli abt it..i lyk guys hu r nyce n fun to be wif..not dirty minded..haiyo..

tues 120405
went to skool..no choice..gav excuse letter to mdm wang in de morn n oso to mrs hua 4 not attending de ss lecture yest..in art class,did some research kat net..tried to find pic of hearts..i mean de real heart..ira oso did som research..tried to find som emily pics..hehe..she's so obsessed wif emily rite now..hehe..new trend..hehe..i mean for her..hav to admit dat de emily walet is damn nyce.feelin lyk wanna buy it too..but den,it's oklar..my purple wallet is still in gd condition..so,after skool,everyone went home..so me lepak wif sal n iqah.bought som wax..haiz~my hair alwaes in damn messy state..hehe..so,look at de pic we took wen mly lesson..hehe..as usual..gossips..well..actual.i feel dat me dah tk heran sgt wif other ppl's life..juz don noe y..eg,wen yat ask me to guez hu's his new frens..i juz told him dat im not interested to noe hu as long as i noe dat he's hapi wif his new frens..watevalar..hmm..

wed 130405
skool as usual..hmm..after skool ,we had goh trainin..it was full dress rehearsal..den,after de trainin..weikang as usual suke bastard...he told everyone abt me n jk.hehe..ape je..actually,until now,i still don wan to talk to him coz of his attitude..oklar..i noe it juz a minor tingy but den,don noe lar..after de depression tingy..eventhough im ok oreadi but den,i still get pissed off if i don lyk somtin..eg,lyk wat happened abt jk..juz don noe ylar..

thurs 140405
ok..i found out somtin..wat i felt is actually a true ting..iyliee juz confessed to me dat she dah patch ngan alfi..congrats..hope u hapi wif him..at 1st,i was hapi for her..den,it's opp..klar..nth serioz..it's juz dat she told me quite late..at 1st,i tot mcm tk fair ar..coz im her twin..hehe..den,i tried to tink abt it for a few mins n realised dat i shud not be mad at her..coz she once sae dat she'll only tell me if she tot dat it's de rite time..klar..im ok..den,realise dat im de one hu's single..all my frens hav bf..hmm..wanna sae dat im lonely?..hehe..nolar..if i tink abt it,actually im not lonely..i hav everyone ard me..klar i hav to admit dat somtyms i do dream to hav a bf..but den,nk buat mcm mane ...so,it's ok..i can still smile n do wateva i lyk..hehe....at nite,talk to my mom again..haiz~swit mom..we really talk untill late at nite..she tried to help me on how to improve my studies...she's nyce..so fortunate to hav a mom lyk her..can talk everytin i wan..hehe...

fri 150405
had hist test..haiz~i tink i did badly..haiz~hope dat i cud pass...yeah~at laz speech dae..n it didnt rain..yeah~so hapi...however..i tink i screwed up abit..coz i abit lose balance..but den,overall,i tink we hav done our very bez...hehe...after dat,watch de concert..wow~de mly n modern dance was great..de choir was great too but den,y dey sang only 1 song?..nofair sey...hehe...at de concert,i sat bside iqah n yana..phew~luckily iqah was my life saver..hehe..we had fun..kritikin abt de performance..hehe..after dat.all de ssgt had to stay back for a while to discuss abt de 1st class drll test which is on nxt tues..haiz~mepek ar..confirm + chop dat i cudnt get it bcoz of de committed ppl ..haiz~den,i went down wif naz n we talked alot.esp abt de 2 matairs..i mean de proud duo..we kutuk2..hehe..giler sey naz..but it was true..don lyk em..den,on de wae to ljs..we found out somtin..yana told me dat she n eric were chosen fir de si..i was lyk 'wat de hell!!'..i ask her wen??she sae juz now...mepek sia..i mean it's not fair..asl tadi bile kiter discuss de ci tknk lang??..mepek sia..i was freakin pissed off..n all of us kutuk rabak..hehe..n kesian..dat gal cried..tinkin dat she cud hide her tears but den,she failed..haiz~m i dat evil??but den,cannot blame me wad..it's not fair tau..y cant dey juz tell de whole unit??..y only tell em?..mepek sey..seriozly,i tink it's not fair..haiz~i feel lyk wats de use of being ssgt if we cant even get de news frm de ci?...somtyms i feel dat it's not fair..lyk de ms' i noe everytin' gets wateva she wans..no fair..seriozly,i juz hate her durin np..she alwaes tink dat she's de leader..i feel dat i wan go to her n tell her nycely dat she's not only de ssgt..u noe wat i feel?..i juz feel dat som of de ssgt r gettin too proud..n dey use deir rank to push ppl down..i feel dat i wanna slap em..hmm..maeb 1 dae i'll juz use de ssgt rank to push all de step-idiotic ssgt, hu tink dat dey r so great, down..haiz~mepek sey..i really hope dat all de sgt cud get promoted to be ssgt..hehe..gd luck for u all..so dat all of us will be equal..

sat 160405
went to mendaki..did compo..okoklar...but den,maths was terrible..well..ms noraida didnt come..so der's tis relieved tcher..1st look..he looks abit gay..hehe..didnt wear de proper dress code..n eatin chewin gum..huh?wat?eatin gums?..urgh~mepek sey..not in my life time,a tcher chew bubble gum wen teachin..mepek sey..n he even scold us for being too quiet..oklar..we were rong..he asked som ques..n all of us didnt ans him..mepek sey..actually,we were told dat we got complains frm de tchers bcoz we r too quiet..hehe..funi sey..after dat,went strait home..didnt go out wif de freakoz..my aunt called n we talked for a while..she ask alot of ques abt mendaki esp abt de tchers..she works in mendaki n takes charge of de tutors..hehe..so i told her abt de relieved tcher n asked her to sacked him jkinly..hehe..we jk abt him..funi sey..at home,me borin..so switched on de tv n watched tiz jpn drama..de actor is hot..really..serioz..hehe..it was a swit drama..lyk a man falls in luv wif tiz woman aka his besfren..but den,she's married..dey bcome bezfren after she complain to him abt her husband's affair wif a young lady..haiz~he alwaes sae ti sentence 'u will not miz her if she was der..but wen she's not,u will miz her coz she's natural'...haiz~

sun 170405
went to madr..as usual..nth special happen..except dat wen i check my tag board..saw prince charmin tags again..haiz~bilerlar die nk reveal himself??

To my dear mr prince charming...y cant u juz reveal urself??..i don eat ppl..so plz don be afraid to do so..anywae if u don wan to reveal,u can juz giv me som clues to guez kn..ape je..to be honest..actually,i'll be glad if u wan to be my fren..coz i luv makin new frens...so..plz tell me abt urself coz i wanna noe u..don be so mystery k..

hey~im back again...well..tiz wk juz sux..haiz~freakin tired n stress over stupid tings..well..but den,let's juz recall wat happen kies..

mon..
okok..as usual...but den,tings get tense wen i got back my amaths test results..haiz~guez wat?..haiz~i tink no need to guezlar..me fail..AGAIN..haiz~i was really freakin sad..i noe ppl will sae..'it's ok..try again..' or ' don worilar..not only u hu fail de test..'..i understand..dey juz wan me to feel better..i tried to control myself..but den,i cudnt durin recesss...wen strait to toilet n cry..haiz~i cry bcoz im gettin sick n tired oreadi abt amaths..since tiz yr,i keep failin all amaths test..all tiz while,i juz consoled myself..saein dat i can do better nxt time..but now,im worried..i feel dat i've lost all my hope to get distinctions for amaths..after skool,wen to amaths remedial eventhough i feel not goin..i feel dat im juz so stupid..dat's y i fail..wen amaths,mr goh gav us ex to do..mr goh kept comin to me n try to help me..he sae dat all his teachin life,all his students pass..moz of em pass wif flyin colours..after dat,i felt ok..i noe im slow..but den,i wanna make sure dat i get all my ans were correct..moz of de students were really fast lyk sya..i sae to myself dat im not em..n i shud try really hard so dat i can be better den em...at home..jk kept sms me.haiz~he's quite swit..he consoled me..saein dat i shud try harder..somtyms..i juz feel kesian to him..

tues..
had np..sec 2 n 3 had deir test..me had to take sec 3 wif masimas,sya n faris..dey r gd..hehe..but den,de sec 2..haiz~juz don noe wat to saelar..deir drills r bcomin worse..after dismissal,ira came to me to tell tiz ' news'..she wans to change post wif me..suddenly i realised dat i was cryin lyk a fool..ira was lyk 'y u don wan to let em go?'..actually,im willin to let em go..serioz..u wan to noe y i cried??..bcoz u had juz prove somtin to me..u proved dat im a very bad leader..u c..i cant even disciplin a small grup..haiz~ya..it's true im soft-hearted..i don lyk to shout at ppl..bcoz dat's not me..ya,it's true dat i luv em..i really luv em..i go np bcoz of em..bcoz i juz don lyk comin to np..bcoz in np..everytin is unfair..de ones hu being recognise r those commited ppl..wat do we get??..everytin..dorg2..im sick of em oreadi..haiz~at home,i really hope for som1 hu willin to hear my sorrows..i wan to let it out..i tot i wan to talk to de listener..but den,suddenly i realised dat i don hav a listener anymore..he's not der..he's gone..so,i let everytin out by cryin..haiz~

wed..
urgh~my contact lens was stuck in my rite eye..urgh~haiz~sya n ira were great..ira was lyk lookin at my rite eye carefully..thx gals...sya kept tellin me to rub my eye carefully coz manerlar tau..de contact is in my eyeball..haiz~bcoz of de rubin,i was really pain n red..haiz~sakit sey..haiz~hav phobia oreadi..don wan to wear contacts anymore..in chem class,i cudnt bear de pain n rest for a while..hehe..mrs koh was lyk ' adawiyah faint??'..i noe maeb she juz being sarcastic..niwae con'd to take a rest after sya told her..so,bcoz of dat,i didnt went to hist remedial..went strait home n took a nap..to ensure dat my eyes r ok...

thurs..
haiz~was sick..durin mly class..took pics..n try to deco de class..jk gav me tiz cute cat doll..thx...iyliee kept playin wif it..hehe...didnt go to npgoh trainin..went strait home n took a rest..at nite,chat wif iyliee..she sae dat dey had a big fite..haiz~i wish i was der..

fri..
i luv u ms pereira..i feel dat she lyk our mom..she really advise us..i feel so semangat..n sort off promise dat we will return all her hard work wif a big smile ..
i mean we will show her our bez results.. had a nyce talk wif mr foo after skool..he's great..i mean he understands us..advise me wat i shud do to make everytin better n remind me dat i cant make everyone hapi..he sae i shud be myself n not try to be lyk others..had combined goh trainin..urgh~it was freakin hot..feel dat i wanna giv up bcoz of my condition..haiz~den,da zun sir pick 10 ppl for de wet weather thingy..i was quite piss off wif it..it's lyk unfair sey..all of us train lyk mad..had to endure all de pains n harsh trainin...n wat do we get??..nth is it??..haiz~i oso quite fed up coz he pick de same old ppl..it's so unfair..it's lyk der r better ppl..i really wan mas,jia ying n ira to be in de 10 selected ppl..coz dey r better...but nvr mind..wat's pass is past..cancel tuition..feel dat i juz don wan to study..not dat im lazy but..i was feelin really tired n down..haiz~

sat..
call sya in de morn saein dat i cudnt go for np...didnt go to mendaki coz i was sick..went to see doc instead..haiz~i was under depression..feelin wanna ask de doc for antidepression pill..but of course,i juz keep quiet..i juz feel dat i wanna stay at home..so didnt go to family gatherin at nenek's hse..only my mom,dad n sis went..so,i juz stay in my bed... n surf de net to read some signs on depressions...haiz~it's true..a smile can hide a thousand tears ..haiz~..luckily my family didnt forget me..dey brought home som food for me to eat..at nite..had a really nyce talk wif my mom.i really luv her..she's so understandin..i told her everytin wat 's insyd my heart..abt np,skool,frenships, guys n everytin wat i really feel..i really luv her..she didnt scold me wen i admit dat wen i used to lyk tiz guy, i wanna b wif him..haiz~she's so understandin..she sae dat somtyms i had to expect nth in return,..ya,wat's she sae is true..so,now,im ok..hehe..thx mama..so at laz,it was so late dat i end up sleepin wif her..hehe...

sun..i mean 2dae...
feelin dat i juz don wan to go madr..haiz~nowadaes i juz feel dat i don wan to go out..wen my mom ask asl tk siap..i juz keep quiet..wen she ask again..'u don wan to go madr??'..i nod..den,she didnt ask anymore..actually..i juz wanna rest..don wanna tink abt anytin..i wanna peace..wanna relax my mind..so all dae.me juz watch tv..surf de net or juz take a rest..haiz~i juz feel dat i don wan to go to skool 2morrow..haiz~juz don noe y..it's not dat im lazy..but somtyms i juz feel dat i don wan to face de reality...haiz~

oklar..i noe it's very long..but dat's wat happen to me for tiz wk..

hey~im back again..*phew*..im so relieve n hapi..hehe..u wanna noe y?.bcoz i manage to relax after being so stress for de whole wk..well..me n e freakoz went to town..jln2 je..mas was tryin to find somtin to giv to naz for deir 1 yr anni..hehe..ira wans to buy bag n other stuff..so we went jln2..hehe..but b4 dat,we went to eat at ljs..i was freakin hungry sey..hehe..

actually,i was surveyin wat to giv to iqah..i still don noe ar..maeb a watch??a bag??..haiz~don noe ar..but den,at de same time,i was plannin to buy a brown or black top..so,we went to far east..we took pic der..n it turns out to be notsogd pic..haiz~we gals quite unsatisfied wif it..but nvr mindlar..den,i went to look for some tops..actually i found tiz beautiful black top..i really wanna buy it..but den,it was over-budget..haiz~aperlar nasib..look for de budget ones..adelar..but not my taste..hehe cerewet eh me..ya,dat's me..wen i wan to buy somtin,i make sure dat i wont regret it later..hehe..de gals..i mean rau,iyliee n sya bought som slippers..ya,dey r cool stuff...nyce..hehe...

after dat,me n de rest except mas n ira went home..me had to go kenduri at simei..i tot i was late..but den,fortunately,i was not..wow~de food was so gd...sedap giler..serioz..tk bedek..hehe...after eatin,me rest for a while n had a nyce chat wif my aunt..she's great..she gav alot of advices..hehe..esp abt panadol..she advise me not to eat alot..n make it a habit not to tink abt eatin panadol wen we hav headache or other minor sickness..she sae i shud take a rest 1st..if it doesnt work..den,i can take panadol..thx!!..we oso talk abt my skool lyfe n other stuff..actually by chattin wif her..i can see how great her luv for her sons..so swit..

hmm..maeb 2morrow,me goin to bdk cc for sundae market...hmm..juz wanna for sya to msg me..klar..im so sleepy rite now..dat's all..